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Coming Soon: Kidnapping My Mom from the COVID

April 11, 2020

My mom is 86 and grew up really poor.  The worry of running out of something is the one consistent thought she has…every day.  She’s not clinically a hoarder, but I’d say she has hoarding tendencies.  This means we were packing duplicates and triplicates of several items.  “Well,” she said, “I don’t want to run out of my tinted face cream.”  “Do you boys want to reach up there and get a few rolls of my good toilet paper?  I have to use the good kind.”

“Mom, we have good toilet paper at our house.”

“I just remember that one of you bought me some toilet paper when I first moved in here and it was awful.  I’m pretty sure it was you, Jim.  I had to use half a roll for one wipe.  Do you have the Charmin Ultrastrong?  Because that’s what I need.”

“Yes ma’am. That’s exactly the brand we have, so I think you’re good.” 

Who knew that there would be a run on toilet paper and we’d be forced to purchase 2-ply.  Every time mom has a bowel movement, she has to remind us that there were six rolls of her preferred toilet paper at her apartment.  Lucky for us, at her age, her bowels only move about every three days.

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